Ramblin' On and on and on and on... and on...

This weekend I spent a lot of time thinking about life. How things change. How people hardly know the real me, even my close friends. How the government is messed up. How spoiled rotten people in the United States are. And how much I absolutely love my family.

A lot of the time I feel like I'm holding in my self from others. I know I'm personable and friendly. Sometimes I'm a little shy, but sometimes I'm extremely outgoing. I know I tend to hold my feelings in and just deal with all the flack people seem to give me. I've got one deep soul, and million dreams I'd love to accomplish. Thousands of places I'd like to see and a trillion people I'd love to make happy.

Sometimes I get on this thing just wanting to type something, let people know what's going on in my head. But then I just bottle up the feelings again and keep them to myself. It's one pretty big problem. I just need to let them out.

I wish people knew me. I wish I had people I could share everything with. I miss the good old days when my friends and I were extremely tight, but who knows where they went. It seems like school is taking over our lives and keeping us from being who we truly are. I know for certain that studying is keeping us apart, and somewhat keeping me back from the things I'd love to do right now. If I could, I'd fly to India, live there for a couple months, connect with myself for a while, meet new people, and experience something new. I've been thinking a lot about what I'd love to do when I'm done here at Utah State. I know I'm gonna take a few years off before I hit up a grad school. I know this might sound unoriginal because I've heard a lot of people talk about doing this, but I'd totally hitting up the Peace Corps. I want to help, it's all I want to do. People all over the world could use my help. I feel so guilty spending time here in America trying to better myself and educate myself so I can live a better life when my life is already a million times more advanced than the lives of many people around the world. I want to dedicate myself to them 100%. They deserve it. I want to offer them all I can.

I seriously can't live with the fact that I have a nice apartment, with a carpeted floor covered in clothing I cannot wear. For my sociology class, I'm doing a service project, but it's also for the people of Indonesia. I'm collecting school supplies for the children, clothing for everybody, and any cash donations. If you would chip in that would be amazing! I know a lady who travels to Indonesia about 3 times a year for a month of so, and offered to personally take them to the people. A couple summers ago, I traveled to Bali expecting a nice vacation in paradise--don't get me wrong, it totally was-- but I also noticed the quality of life and the lack of necessities the people had. They had hardly any clothing or food. Most lived in shacks and burned their garbage in the street. Many did not have shoes and slept on the ground. But, the most remarkable thing I could not overcome was how incredibly happy they all were. They loved life and saw the beauty in everything. They are the most humble people I've ever known. When I was there, I took over a bunch of old clothing. It was amazing to see how excited everybody was to be getting one of my old shirts, even it it was the wrong size and completely out of fashion. It feels so good to know that I made a difference in some peoples' lives.