Ah, Finals Week....

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Roommates and Boyfriends

So, here I am, sitting at my desk, staring about my lovely view of Old Main, thinking about how much my parents are paying for this room. Sometimes I wonder if it's really worth the price. I live in the newest dorms on campus, which are conveniently located right by all my classes. Sometimes I think these dorms are a little too nice. I like them, but I've already torn the paint off the walls, and I've burnt a nice big hole in my chair. Is there a reason why I find myself sitting all alone thinking about this room? Maybe. Or is the real question "why am I alone?" yeah, I'd say that could be it. Lets see here... I've got six roommates. I love with six of the Mormon girls in a five bedroom apartment. I share my room with a girl named Amber. Amber is a very pretty blond girl. She is extroverted yet introverted, and she loves to cook. All year Amber has been struggling with many relationships trying to find that perfect someone. As of last week, Amber has seems to have found Mr. Right. His name is Matt. It's kinda funny how they just fit perfectly together. They even walk the same.

Sometimes when they are together, I feel quite left out. I know how it feels to be in love, and I'm somewhat jealous... haha. If you read my first blog, you might have noticed that I mentioned I was in a relationship with a guy named James. Damn, he was wonderful. I went over to his house today to talk to him for the first time in a week. It was weird. At first we couldn't help but smile at each other, like we hadn't seen each other in a very long time. Then he sat me down on the couch and told me how he feels. He wishes we could get back together and he can start over again, take things slow, and do everything right. I just sat in silence. I kept thinking "I don't want to be with you anymore, why can't you just move on?"

When I finally left, things started to get teary. I mentioned something about starting a Facebook group for all the guys that like me ( I have stalkers...) and he kinda got upset, but I seriously think he needs to move on. He told me of his plans to move to California next fall and attend UCLA for acting. I'm proud of him.

With all my heart, I wish things could've worked out between us. We each had different goals and dreams. Sometimes is just best to let go so that person can achieve their dreams. We didn't want to hold each other down any longer. If you've ever heard the song "Hold Me Down" by Motion City Soundtrack, you'll understand exactly what we're going through, but if not, you should definitely go listen to it.

So next time you think about dating somebody, think of what is best for them, put them first in your life and make sure their dreams are coming true.

peace.

The World of Blogging Meets the World of Makaela - April 16th, 2008

Just last week I had an experience with a very handsome fella. He explained to me how he blogs everything, I mean everything. He even said that he blogged about me, which made me feel a little odd. Then he mentioned that when he wikipediaed my name, lots of stuff popped up, like: The Most Beautiful Girl Ever. After he said this, my mind was just like "WTF!" You're so crazy.

Sadly, I was inspired by this guy and I decided to start blogging. Now all I have to do is decide what I want to write about. I can write about anything in the entire world, anything, everything. But, I'm choosing to write about last week, or maybe even the last month.

At the beginning of the semester, I got really really sick. I went to a few doctors and nobody knew what was going on with me. One told me I'm just overly stressed (dumb ass woman) and others said nothing was wrong. But I seriously did not feel good. I even had one doctor think I was pregnant... Good thing I wasn't. Finally, at the end of February, I went to the local ENT, where I was immediately diagnosed with Mono. I mean how hard was it for those stupid doctors to just diagnose me with that.

My mono lasted until the end of March, therefore causing me to drop most of my classes, and lose my scholarship. My teachers wouldn't work with me so I could get caught up, and they pretty much told me that I am just a failure.

Of course I was more pissed than anybody in the entire world. So I kinda gave me hopes up and made all these plans to drop out of school, move to California or Salt Lake. I just decided school wasn't for me. (Bad Decision)

I told my parents of my decision and they supported me 100%, but only because I'm their daughter. I could tell they weren't thrilled about me choice and they didn't want me living at home for the rest of my life.

At this same time, I was dating a guy named James Wadsworth. He seriously had me from hello. He was the most gorgeous thing I had ever laid my eyes on. Long brown eye, dark brown eyes, in shape, and he had goals. He wanted to be an actor.

Things started getting very serious between us, we were even thinking about marriage and children (in the future, of course). After being completely wooed by him for about 3 months, I noticed that his personality started to change, and he lost sight of his goals. Our relationship started getting a lot worse and wed fight all the time. It seemed like we fought in every conversation we had. If you know me, you would know that there is no way in hell I would put up with this shit.

So, I tried breaking it off a few times. The first time, he cried and whined for hours. He even called his mother while I was trying to break up with him. I couldn't help but laugh... who the hell calls their mom during a breakup?

Last Thursday, our relationship was called off for good. James informed me that I had ruined his life and totally broke his heart forever. A couple days later, he ended up going to California, not knowing what his plans were; he just went to try to mend his life back together. I will say this now; this is one of the best decisions this boy had ever made.

That night, after James and I broke up, I went to hang out with some friends. I didn't know what the night would bring, but I wanted to have fun. I ended up at Mr. Blogger's (man from above) house, where he confessed his love for me. He said stuff like, "You are so sexy when you present your photography in the front of the class, and you just get me going!" And then, he laid one right of me….

After this experience, I found myself asking, "What am I doing? Why I am hanging out with his guy?" After all, I just broke up with my boyfriend, and I wasn't looking for anything of this sort. To make matters worse, I'm madly in love with some other guy, who has no idea.

Boredom started creeping into my life and I started to think about what I seriously wanted to do. I mean man-wise, I still wanted the guy I had a huge crush on, but life-wise, I needed a plan, a goal, something to achieve.

So, this is when I wrote my master plan for the next 8 years of my life. Here it goes: I'm nearly a junior up here at Utah State, and I've only got 2 and a half years left. I'm majoring in Art and minoring in Art History. Next summer, I plan to do study abroad in Scotland, and the summer after that I'm planning on study abroad in France. Hopefully, when I'm done here at Utah State, I will have my Bachelor's of Fine Art, with an emphasis on photography.

After I finish up here, I want to attend CalArts. I want to receive my Master's in Commercial Photography.

Now, here's the big change in my goals… I know it might be far fetched, but I'm hella excited and I'm gonna do it! I am going to attend Yale. I want to get my PhD in Art History and Archaeology.

After being told that I'm a failure by my professors, I think I deserve to dream big and show them they were wrong.

As far as love goes, I'm always open for a relationship. I just want to find a man who is absolutely perfect. I want a man of my style, artsy and creative, smart and handsome. And, he has to support me in anything I do, even my big goal of Yale.

Thanks for reading, I'm out. Peace.