La Vie de Maki.

Photo Blog!!

2009-07-29T00:47:00.001-06:00

Hey everybody! I started a photo blog!!!! Ya'll should follow it, and give me some feedback on my photos ;)

http://makaelavictoriaphoto.blogspot.com/

Goals, yeah I've actually got some

2009-07-10T12:40:00.003-06:00

So I've come up with some new goals for my life. Some might seem far-fetched, but they would be awesome to achieve!

1) Learn Spanish, Arabic, and Korean. In the spring semester, I plan on attending Hongik University in Seoul, South Korea, which will give me the perfect opportunity to expand on my Korean skills. But who knows where I'll learn Spanish and Arabic... One day.

2) I'm gonna take up Kayaking. It has always looked so fun, and it would be such a thrill.

3) Seriously, my life has become a huge party. I don't remember many of my nights for the past few months. I'm taking a breather, taking a break from partying, and spending the rest of the summer relaxing and doing healthy things for myself. I plan on waking up early around 5:30, going to some spinning classes, and eating healthy. Maybe I'll take up rock climbing, and yoga-- I've got put my mat to use.

4) Hate is such a terrible thing. So are grudges. I'm erasing all that. I can't hate anybody. Nobody has seriously done anything to terrible to me. Life is life, so why should I spend it caught up in drama and being negative?

5) Time to start saving my money, well at least a good 15% of my paychecks.

6) I need to love everybody, and everything.

7) I need to be nicer. I need to be like my friend Van. He has unconditional love for everybody and does the sweetest things. Van is awesome.

8) Visit my family more. I can't live without them :)

9) I'm going to eventually start my own magazine. An outdoor travel magazine to be exact... I'd like to travel to a place for a month or so, and completely get to know the culture and the fun things to do--like kayaking (yeah, I might have a bit of an obsession)... It'd also be cool to work for Outdoor Magazine. Way awesome.

--Note to self: stop talking in my sleep-- I think I say some pretty inappropriate things...

10) I've kinda given up on trying to go to Yale for my Masters in Art History--don't quite think it
s for me.... (yeah, pretty sure this wasn't a goal. I just had to get it out there).

and Elizabeth Gilbert has pretty much inspired most of these goals, so I'd like to thank her and her novels.

Amen.

i <3 my Lalas!

2009-06-27T16:25:00.004-06:00

Best friends are so great, so much fun, and so dependable. Lala, which is Chinese slang for lesbian, is what we call one-another, even though none of us are true lesbians. Maybe some people think we are ;) cuz we're always together. There's four of us altogether, me, Allison, Courtney, and Xuli (pronounced shoolee).

Xuli is from Beijing, and she is just the cutest little thing. She's so beautiful and ladylike. Funny girl.

Allison... oh Allison... I met her in Beto's. Yeah. That pretty much explains a lot.... Beto's. She's crazy.

Courtney, oh how I miss Courtney. She just moved to California not even a week ago. She was my roommate, and the one who always get picked on :p

I just wanted to so say that I absolutely LOVE these girls!!!

It's been about a year now.

2009-04-24T05:03:00.002-06:00

I started this blog nearly a year ago. It was finals week my Freshman year of college, and now I'm nearing the end of this wonderful Sophomore year. It's been tough but exciting and I love all the new people who've passed my way.
It doesn't seem like this semester is almost over. I had my very last class today, and now all I have left is finals.
In 10 days, I will be catching a flight to Korea to study abroad for a week. So excited. So scared.

Huffing or Photographing?

2009-03-23T22:05:00.004-06:00

Sunday night, my friends and I decided to do a nude photo shoot. It was pretty spontaneous but being the art and photography freaks that we were, we went with it. Jeff spray painted words onto my back and Courtney's back, and we showed it off. Ben photographed digitally to enhance his portfolio, and Jeff was the monkey (the one who does all the dirty work the photographer can't). After we finished the shoot, Courtney took a shower to get rid of the paint and I was sitting in my room wrapped in a towel, waiting to get in the shower. I got a knock on my door, opened it, and saw 3 police officers. I was so shocked and had no idea what I did wrong. But apparently my roommates and other people in the building had smelled the paint and thought we were in my room huffing it. They didn't knock on the door, didn't call, didn't say a word to me or tell me how they were feeling. Instead, they had called the police. Luckily, the police thought this was just funny and didn't press any charges. They all just laughed and checked our I.D.s.
I apologized to my roommates, but didn't get a very positive response. I guess I really screwed up on this one.

L.H.O.O.Q.

2009-03-18T23:20:00.005-06:00

"It appears not to be a stretch to say that this is "Duchamp's most famous ready-made" (Ramirez 46). Many people, including those outside of academia, recognize this now infamous image as inextricably attached to Marcel Duchamp.

This cheap reproduction of the famous ideal of beauty that is Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa has been adorned with a comical moustache and goatee, thus deserving its alternate title Joconde aux Moustaches. L.H.O.O.Q. is two-dimensional, like only several other Readymades including Apolinere Enameled, Pharmacy, and French Military Paper.

The title is essentially a phonetic game. As Duchamp himself noted in a 1966 interview, "I really like this kind of game, because I find that you can do a lot of them. By simply reading the letters in French, even in any language, some astonishing things happen" (Cabanne 63). When read quickly in French, the title L.H.O.O.Q. sounds like a sentence translating to "She has a hot bum/ass." This is the most commonly sited meaning of the phrase, but many other ideas also surround this intriguing group of letters. Duchamp gave a "loose" translation of L.H.O.O.Q. as "there is fire down below" in a late interview (Schwarz 203). Steefel points out that, when spoken in English, L.H.O.O.Q. sounds like "LOOK" (50). Thus the piece could have a further function as a commentary on the relationship between artist and viewer, which Duchamp was admittedly very interested in. Kuspit supports a much more overtly sexual interpretation, explaining, "It is a multilayered pun: the letters become words which become a devaluing male comment on the beautiful, dignified woman - she's just another slut. She's smiling because she's thinking of being fucked - more probably, of masturbating, that is, fucking herself" ("Laugh" 111).

The viewer should be wary of reading too far into something that is really only grounded in speculation. Could the artist have not intended such a reading? We may never know for sure, but Philip Larson argues an interesting point (although without citing a source for this fact, his assertion seems just as ungrounded as the speculations he argues against): "Not found in most writings about Duchamp is the faintly amusing fact that Duchamp intended us to read the inscription as a series of enunciated French letters, like O.U.R.A.Q.T. in English. The Duchamp blurb comes out as something more unforgivable than 'She has a hot ass'" (213).

Finally, Duchamp's choice of the Mona Lisa may not have been as arbitrary as often assumed. There may be a more personal reason why Duchamp focused on this particular example of ideal aesthetic beauty. Duchamp's friend Guillaume Apollinaire was falsely detained in connection with the theft of the Mona Lisa and some small sculptures from the Louvre several years prior to Duchamp's creation of this Readymade. This may be Duchamp's way of indirectly referencing his friend Apollinaire."

http://arthist.binghamton.edu/duchamp/LHOOQ.html

SPRING!!!!

2009-03-18T21:36:00.001-06:00

Spring is finally here!!! It's so warm outside!! No more jackets, snow boots, or ear muffs. Time to pull out the sandals, dresses, and bikinis!!

=]

<3 spring

2009-03-18T21:08:00.002-06:00

We could all die at any moment.
Somebody could drive by, shoot us.
A plane could crash into our house.
Our subways could collide.
We could choke on our food.
We could get hit by a drunk driver.
Blown up by a suicide-bomber.
It's an eerie feeling.
Moral of the story:
Live every day like it's your last.
Have fun =]

you know who you are

2009-03-18T03:26:00.001-06:00

stop reading my blog. and stay out of my life.

Maybe Memories....

2009-03-13T23:56:00.020-06:00

I miss all these fun times:

ummmmhummmmmmm Love.... <3

2009-03-13T23:35:00.012-06:00

Tonight I discovered that all of my cousins had blogs--which I am now anonymously following. It gives me this joy inside to know they are still crazy about their husbands and wives and absolutely love their children. My cousins write about the nicest, most genuine things. Love, friendship, happiness. <3 I hope I can love the way they do...

Anyways, now that I got that tangent out of my head, I want to tell you about my week. I GOT MY WISDOM TEETH OUT! Day 1: My cheeks are starting to swell... and it doesn't look like I'm in too much pain.... I'm still numb...
Day 2: Yeah... here comes the swelling, and the pain.

Day 3: Not so bad, but now I have a black eye...

Later that day: Here I am on the phone with beloved Mika... he is trying to comfort me:

I just wish I could go back to the way I looked exactly a year ago:

There's a big difference between this year and last....

I have become a Tiny Fey-Look-A-Like-Book-Worm-Photo-Lab-Mutant-Geek ;)

It's All Fairly Deserved, Trust That Is.

2009-03-02T22:48:00.004-07:00

This school year has been one crazy one. Seems like one friend comes along, and another leaves. And this process just keeps happening, over and over. I've kicked rude people out of my life, and because of that, many people hate me. I've had many rumors started about me. Many prank phone calls and texts all saying nasty stuff. I've had people whom I thought were amazing friends betray me, cheat on me, scream at me, and completely kick me out of their life as well. I've replaced old friends with new friends, and they've replaced me too. I've met amazing people, learned from them, and I look up to them. I respect them. I respect mostly everybody, and everything. I even respect the people whom disrespect me and kicked me out of their lives. I don't care if I'm highly disrespected by them--that's their decision-- and to be frank, I'm sure I deserve it. I can't be the best person. But I can try to give you my best. I can give you my friendship, and love. I can care about you, and I would love to spend time with you. But most of all, I'm gonna have an extremely hard time trusting you.

The Slum of the Lepers

2009-02-27T14:48:00.002-07:00

I'm reading a book right now, Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts, and two of the characters are visiting the slum of the lepers in Bombay... This little blurb has truly inspired me. You will see why this has inspired me to go photograph it.

"'Hey! This isn' the way back to the slum. Where are we going now?'
'We are going to visit the place where you will be getting your medicines.'
'My what?'
'Khaderbhai has arranged for you to get medicines, every week. The thing I brought you today--those are the first. We are going to the medicine black market.'
'A black market for medicine? Where is it?'
'In the slum of the leprs,' Abdullah answered, matter-of-factly. Then he laughed again as he pushed the bike to greater speed through a gap in the traffic that opened for him, even as he reached it. 'Just leave it to me, Lin brother. Now you are part of the plan, isn't it so?'
Those words--now you are part of the plan--should've woken some fear in me. I should've sensed. . . something . . . even then, right at the start. But I wasn't afraid. I was almost happy. The words seemed exciting. They rushed my blood. When my fugitive life began, I was exiled from my family, homeland, and culture. I thgouth that was the whole of it. Years into my banishment, I realised that I was exiled to something, as well. What I escaped to was the lonely, reckless freedom of the outcast. Like outcasts everywhere, I courted danger because danger was one of the few things strong enough to help me forget what I'd lost. And staring into the warmth of the afternoon wind, riding with Abdullah into the web of streets, I fell as fearlessly into my fate, that afternoon, as a man falls into love with a shy woman's best smile.
The journey to the lepers' camp took us to the outskirts of the city. There were several treatment colonies for Bombay's lepers, but the men and women we went to see refused to live in them. Funded by state and private contributions, the colonies provided medical attention, caring suport, and the clean environments. The rules and regulations that governed them were strict, however, and not all the lepers could bring themselves to conform. As a result, some chose to leave, and some were forced out. At any one time, a few dozen men, women, and children lived outside the colonies, in the wider community of the city.
The elastic tolerance of sum-dwellers--who accommodated every caste and race and condition of person within their sprawl of huts--rarely extended to lepers. Local councils and street communities didn't endure their presence for long. Feared and shunned, the lepers formed themselves into mobile slums that settled, within an hour, in any open space they could find and made a traceless departure in even less time. Sometimes they established themselves for several weeks beside a rubbish dump, fending off the permanent rag-pickers, who resisted their incursion. At other times they set up their camp on a swampy patch of vacant land or some outfall for industrial waste. When I first isited them with Abdullah, that day, I found that they'd built their ragged shelters on the rusty stones of a railway siding near the suburb of Khar.
We were forced to park Abdullah's bike, and enter the railway land as the lepers did, through gaps in fences and across ditches. The rusty plateau was a staging area for most trains on the urban route and many of the goods wagons carrying produce and manuactured articles out of the city. Beyond the sub-station itself were office outbuildings, storage warehouses, and maintenance sheds, Further on was a vast shunting area--an open space marked by dozens of railway lines and their confluences. At the outer edges, high wire fences enclosed the space.
Outside was the commerce and cosiness of suburban Khar: traffic and gardens, balconies and bazaars. Within was a aridity of function and systems. There were no plants, no animals, and no people. Even the rolling stock were ghost trains, trundling from shunting stop to shunting stop without staff or passengers. Then there was the lepers' slum.
They'd seized a diamond of clear space between the tracks for themselves, and patched their shelters together in it. None of the huts was taller than my chest. From a distance, they looked like the pup tents of an army bivouac wreathed in the smoke of cooking fires. As we neared them, however, we saw that their appalling raggedness made the slum huts where I lved seem like solid, comfortable structures. They were made from scraps of cardboard and plastic help aloft with crooked branches, and braced with thin string. I could've knocked the whole camp to rubble with an open hand., and it would've taken me less than a minute, yet thirty men, women, and children made their lives there.
We entered the slum unchallenged, and made our way to one of the huts near the center. People stopped and stared at us, but no-one spoke. It was hard not to look at them, and then hard not to stare when I did look. Some of the people no noses, mst of them had no fingers, the feet of many were bound in bloody bandages, and some were advanced into the deteriorations that their lips and ears were missing.
I don't know why-the price, perhaps, that women pay for their loveliness--but the disfigurements seemed more ghastly for the women than they were for the men. Many of the men had a defiant and even a januty air about them--a kind of pugnacious ugliness that was fascinating in itself. But shyness just looked cowed in the women, and hunger looked predatory. The disease was indiscernible in the many children I saw. They looked fit, if uniformly thin, and quite well. And they worked hard, all of those children. Their small fingers did the grasping for the whole of their tribe.
They'd seen us coming, and must've passed the word because, as we appraoched the hut, a man crawled out and stood to greet us. Two children came at once and supported him. He was tiny, reaching to just above my waist, and severly stricken with the disease. His lips and the lower part of his face were eaten away to a hard, knobby ridge of dark flesh that extended downwards from the cheeks to the hinges of his jaw. The jaw itself was exposed, as were the teeth and gums, and the gaping holes where his nose had been (Roberts 207)."

Drowsy Driving.... Almost as Bad as Drunk Driving!

2009-02-02T15:55:00.003-07:00

Wooooo, I've driven so much lately, and it seems like every time I set foot in my car I instantly want to fall asleep. It's so dangerous! I've never had such a hard time keeping my eyes open while driving. It scares me.... I think stuff like, "I can shut my eyes if I just drive in a straight line...." BAD IDEA! So I adjust my seat, stretch, turn on the AC (full blast of course) and roll down the windows even though its only 15 degrees outside... rolling down the windows actually helps! I'm starting to believe what they taught me in drivers ed.... However, after I roll up the windows, I'm freezing so I turn on the heat full blast and start nodding off again... My eyes fill with water and my lids nearly shut. I start drifting into the other lane or off the road completely.
Why does driving put me to sleep?
It scares me....(yes, my driving scares me....)

Oh Randizzle

2009-02-01T19:49:00.002-07:00

Seems like every time we hang out, something bad happens. A few years ago Randy and I went 4wheeling up on this mountain. We were having such a fun time, then Randy turns around to see myself laying on the ground trapped underneath the flipped over 4wheeler. It was such a scary moment. He thought I was going to die, as well as everybody else around, but I was ok.
Today Randy and I hung again for the 1st time in a very long time. We went up on that same mountain so I could get some pictures for my photography class. I got some pictures and then started to reverse down this long muddy path with snow banks on each side. Not really paying attention to what I was doing, I ran my car right into a snowbank.... Oops. We spent forever trying to get it out, and then we saw a police man parked in his truck a few hundred feet away. Luckily he saved the day and pulled my car out of the snowbank with his mighty truck.
But damn Randy, we sure do have some adventures.... hehe, especially on that mountain.

and now it starts

2009-02-01T19:47:00.003-07:00

Have you ever wanted something so bad? So bad that you are willing to do anything to achieve it? That's how I feel right now. February 1st--it starts. I spent this weekend having one super indulgence of my villain, and now that will be the last time I shall ever enjoy it.

Dad:

2009-02-01T01:59:00.002-07:00

Happy Birthday Daddy! Without you, daddy, my life would be a mess. Without you, I wouldn't be the person I am today, nor would I be achieving my goals. I just want to thank you for raising me, pushing me to be my best, teaching me wrong from right, and for just being my father. I love you more than anything! You're humble, kind, wise, intelligent, and have an exuberant sense of humor. That's for being a wonderful role-model and endearing father. I love you!
Happy Birthday!

Love Your Daughter,

Maki

2009-01-29T11:00:00.001-07:00

I light your cigarettes
I bring you apples from the vine
How quickly you forget
I run the bath and pour the wine
I bring you everything that floats into your mind

But you don't bring me anything but down
You don't bring me anything but down
You don't bring me anything but down
When you come 'round

You are a raging sea
I pull myself out everyday
I plea insanity
Cause I can't leave but I can't stay
You say, won't you come find me and yes is what I say

You don't bring me anything but down
You don't bring me anything but down
Everything is crashing to the ground

Maybe I'm not your perfect kind
Maybe I'm not what you had in mind
Maybe we're just killing time

You with your silky words
And your eyes of green and blue
You with your steel beliefs
That don't match anything you do
It was so much easier before you became you

You don't bring me anything but down
You don't bring me anything but down
Everything just crashes to the ground
When you come around
When you come around

No more playing seek and hide
No more long and wasted nights
Can't you make it easy on yourself

I know you wish you were strong
You wish you were never wrong
Well, I got some wishes of my own

I dig this chick: sheryl crow

2009-01-28T12:19:00.000-07:00

I am strong
I am able
I spill milk on your table
Then I cry like a baby
Just to see if you save me

I am sweet
I am ugly
I am mean if you love me
I try hard just to please you
When I say I dont need you

I dress up with a conscience
When I think youll be watching
I say all the right things
I dont know what I mean

Am i
Am i
Getting through
Am i
Am i
Getting through

I am ignorant and rude
I am fashionably crude
And sometimes when its quiet
Im an angel in white

When I pose in the mirror
I want everyone near me
I am scared that Im weird
Im afraid I am queer

I am lovely and weak
I am foul when I speak
I am strange when Im kind
I am frying my mind

Am i
Am i
Getting through
Am i
Am i
Getting through
I dont care I dont care

Jesus loves me I know
For my mom told me so
Im a loser at love
Im a flower in the mud

Am i
Am i
Getting through
Am i
Am i
Getting through
Am i
Am i
Getting through

Dont you hate it
When the money starts to running out
Your esoteric rants
Were made to twist and shout
I heard you moved
Now youre hangin on the moulin rouge
Dont you know no matter where you go
Somebodys always watching you
Thats what they say
Thats what they say
When the pages fade the love you made
Will seem one hundred light years away

Eggs--by maki and emily

2009-01-22T22:52:00.003-07:00

More.

2009-01-13T18:25:00.009-07:00

Bali, Indonesia.

2009-01-13T18:20:00.005-07:00

Enjoy the Beauty

Sincerely,

Maki

A lil' bit of Photo History

2009-01-07T22:43:00.001-07:00

I found this in the first chapter of my photo history book, Seizing the Light by Robert Hirsch:

"The idea of photography existed long before the invention of the camera. A primary function of visual arts originates in the desire to create the likeness of something or someone that was deemed worth commemorating. This human urge to make pictures that augment the faculty of memory by capturing time is at the conceptual base of photography. Since ancient times, artists and inventors have searched for ways to expedite the picturemaking process, eventually concentrating efforts on how to automatically capture an image directly formed by light.
"As early as the fifth century B.C.E., the Chinese philosopher Mo Ti discovered that light reflecting from an illuminated object and passing through a pinhole into a darkened area would form an exact, though inverted, image of that object. offering a prototype of the pinhole (lensless) camera. In the West, the first recorded description of the pinhole was made by the Greek philosopher Aristotle, who around 330 B.C.E., during a partial solar eclipse, observed the crescent-shaped image of the sun projected through a small opening between the leaves of a tree. When these observations were first formalized into a camera remains uncertain, but by the tenth century C.E., the Arabian mathematician Alhazen (Ibn Al-Haitham) demonstrated how a pinhole could be an instrument and that images formed thrugh an aperature became sharper when the opening was made smaller. Although Roger Bacon's treatsies, Perspectiva and De multiplicatione specierum (ca. 1267), do not specially mention the camera, they indicate he used the optical principles to contrive an arrangement of mirrors in order to project images of eclipses as well as street scenses and interior views of his house. In Perspectiva communis (1279, John Peckham, the Archbishop of Canterbury and a likely student of Bacon, remarked about observing a solar eclipse through a pinhole in a dark place."
.... a few paragraphs later, it describes how Leonardo da Vinci, in 1490, wrote the earliest suriving description of the camera obscura (dark chamber), a device designed to reproduce linear perspective. "The camera obscura, the prototype of the photographic camera, was a large dark room that an artist physically entered. Light filtered through a small hole in one of the walls and projected a distinct, but inverted, color image onto the opposite wall that could then be traced."
Since then, many artists, mathematicians, scientists, and photographers have developed small, more compact and better photo taking devices. "Johannes Kepler had built a proto-portable camera: a human-size tent that could be dismantled and transported to make drawing easier. By the mid-seventeenth century, a scaled-down modification of Kepler's device meant that one did not have to enter into the camera but could remain outside of it and view an image projected onto a translucent window, a forerunner to the first truly portable cameras."
"Joseph Nicephore Niepce (1765-1833) developed the first system for making images permanent through the action of light. Niepce was enthralled with lithography, but he lacked the drawing skills the process required. Originally, he sought to automatically transfer an image to a lithgraphy stone without having to draw it, but in 1814 Niepce and his elder brother, Claude, shifted direction and undertook experiments to "spontaneously" create original pictures through the camera instead of copying previous existing images. This make Niepce the first to actively pursue a process of making a permanent camera image.
"As early as 1824, Niepce used this process to make his first actual camera image from nature on a lithographer's stone, which he referred to as a point de vue. There is still disagreement among historians as to when Niepce first made permanent view from nature with a camera. Some state it was as early as 1822, others say 1827. A book written by Niepce's son Isodore in 1841 indicates 1824 was the first time Niepce "achieved definitive fixing of images from the camera obscura into his screen. Although these marvelous products were still imperfect, the problem had been resolved."

Joseph Niepce's creation:

Shantaram--read it!

2008-12-25T14:32:00.003-07:00

"... It was only there, in the village in India, on that first night, adrift on the raft of murmuring voices, and my eyes filled with stars; only then, when another man's father reached out to comfort me, and placed a poor farmer's rough and calloused hand on my shoulder; only there and then did I see and feel the torment of what I'd done, and what I'd become-- the pain and the fear and the waste; the stupid, unforgivable waste of it all. My heart broke on its own shame and sorrow. I knew, at last, how lonely I was.
But I couldn't respond. My culture had taught me all the wrong things well. So I lay completely still, and gave no reaction at all. But the soul has no culture. The soul has no nations. The soul has no colour or accent or way of life. The soul is forever. The soul is one. And when the heart has its moment of truth and sorrow, the soul can't be stilled.
I clenched my teeth against the stars. I closed my eyes. I surrendered to sleep. One of the reasons why we crave love, and seek it so desperatly, is that love is the only cure for lonliness, and shame, and sorrow. But some feelings sink so deep into the heart that only lonliness can help you find them again. Some truths about yourself are so painful that only shame can help you live with them. And some things are just so sad that only your soul can do the crying for you."

--Gregory David Roberts
from his novel Shantaram

Bathrooms

2008-12-22T23:01:00.003-07:00

I was sitting in a bathroom stall today at Deer Valley...
The walls were white, and the doors were fake wood.
Of course it was illuminated with lame fluorescent lights.

It flusters me how people can want this so bad,
want to come to america
to live in a life illuminated by these cheap, meaningless fluorescent lights.

Wouldn't you rather sit in a bathroom illuminated by natural light?
or by a single lightbulb with some vines wrapped around it?
or even pee in the jungle?

Why would you give that up?
I wouldn't.

Life Comes At Ya Fast...

2008-12-09T15:39:00.002-07:00

So, because I'm incredibly lazy and I don't want to sit on a bus for 30 minutes to get to my classes, or work, I've been driving and parking up on campus. Bad idea. I think I got 5 tickets last month. Didn't have the money, nor the time, to pay any of them. Last week, I had class and also had to work, so I parked on campus. When I was at work, I got a call from the parking office saying that my car had been booted from unpaid tickets. Great. They made me leave work, come down to their office, and pay $150. Sadly, I had to pay it immediately so I could get my car back and would be able to drive my busy self around to all the places I needed to be. The downfall was, I didn't have enough money in my account. What a dilemma.
This afternoon I received a lovely call from my mother. All she said was, "Have you seen your bank account lately?"
"Nope," I replied, "but I will check it. I gotta go, bye."
"Bye."
I got to work, checked my account. Come to find out, the bank changed me $377 for charging $150 to my account, which I HAD to do. And now I'm even more in the hole.
I learned my lessons:
1. Parking passes are GOOD!
2. Don't park illegally
3. If you do park illegally, make sure you pay your parking ticket so you don't get booted.
4. I need to spend my money wisely. Or not spend it at all....

Ciao.

I'm High and I'm Happy and I'm Free

2008-12-08T03:14:00.000-07:00

I'm high and I'm happy and I'm free
I got my whole heart
Laid out right in front of me
And I finally can see
The way it's always been
The need for peace
Starts from within

So I leave my possesions to the wind
And I'm done with ever wanting anything
Well I can die satisfied
No desires do I hide
Not today, not today
Nor for the next one thousand lives

I want to be a little seahorse
I want to be a little seahorse
A little seahorse

I want to be a little seahorse
I want to be a little seahorse
I want to be a little seahorse...

Well I'm scared of ever being born again
If it's in this form again
Well I wanna know how why where and when and then
I wanna see you be the bright night sky
I wanna see you come back as the light
I wanna see you be the bright night sky
I wanna see you come back as the light

2008-12-04T20:42:00.002-07:00

I wish I could get some free time for myself. Just quality alone time, where I don't have to think, just relax. I wish I had my own bedroom I could call home, a place where I could feel like myself. Lately I've been very busy, going to class, writing papers, preparing for finals week, and supporting my friends. But I've been so stressed from it that I've been going insane. I completely lost it last night. Locked myself downstairs, stuck in a movie, and didn't want to see anybody. I'm so so so tired and I wish somebody would just listen to me for once. I want to speak my mind, I want somebody to listen. But isn't that the point of this entire blog? Is there anybody out there who cares what is bugging me? Am I just good at holding it in? Maybe I feel bad complaining or bragging about myself. Do people take advantage of me for this?

2008-12-01T01:40:00.001-07:00

I never thought I'd end up crying myself to sleep on my birthday. this is messed.

Birthday

2008-11-30T16:50:00.002-07:00

I turned 20 today. wooopppppppppppie!
yay!
still can't go to the bar tho
Last night's party was super kick ass and I love everybody who came!! thanks so much guys! you made my birthday wonderful!!!

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO STEVE AND MILAN AND GINGER TOO!!

Homeless

2008-11-30T16:35:00.002-07:00

I feel so homeless right now. Supposedly I live in an apartment, with two girls. Sadly, I've only see them once and I don't feel right when I go "home." I moved in about a week ago... I sorta just barged in on their lives. They had been living together since the beginning of the semester and I feel as if I can't call that place home.
So, I've been staying on the other side of the Logan for the past few weeks. It's been fun, but a lot of stuff has gone down lately and I just can't call this place home either. I always feel like I'm barging in ALL THE TIME.. Sometimes I feel like I'm not wanted either.
I've just lost it lately. I need a home, where people will love me and I can have my own bedroom.
Sometimes I feel like packing up all my belongings and going home--to my family's house.
I don't want to be at school right now.
I need my family.
I need my home.

Thanks

2008-11-27T21:06:00.002-07:00

I am thankful
for you
my mom
dad
brother
my dogs
and cats
Scottie
all my wonderful friends
the beautiful place I live in
the opportunities I have
the schooling I am receiving
the bed I can sleep in every night
to be alive
and well
to be happy
I am thankful for everybody being a part of my life
i love you all

100 Things About Me

2008-11-16T21:44:00.004-07:00

Thanks Amber-- I found this on your blog; it pretty much rocks :)

1. I once peed my pants in Cafe Rio.
2. I am scared to death of butterflies.
3. I'm also scared of Bigfoot.
4. I recently got over my fear of E.T.
5. I have traveled to France, England, Italy, and Indonesia.
6. If I could, I would leave America right now, just to be in Bali.
7. I wish I was fluent in many many languages, I'm working on it ;)
8. I want to get my PhD someday.
9. I can do a perfect impression of E.T..... ask and I'll demonstrate.
10. My mom is a cancer survivor, and there is a 99% chance I've inherited it.
12. I once won a bike race against adults, when I was 10.
13. I'm way too ticklish to survive.
14. I want to backpack the world.
15. I want to write a novel about my backpacking experience.
16. It would be so bomb-ass to start my own magazine.
17. or to work for National Geographic.
18. If I had the money, or the balls, I would cover my body in tattoos.. art is beautiful.
19. I want to practice Hinduism.
20. I'm watching the Darjeeling Limited as we speak.
21. Luke Wilson is gorgeous, and I saw him one time :)
22. I've also seen Adam Sandler, and met Carmen Electra.
23. I worked for a ski shop last winter at Deer Valley Ski Resort and met Lisa Kudrow, Pheobe, from Friends.
24. Every November, my family throws a Chili Party, where a bunch of people get drunk and donate money to the Utah Food Bank.
25. I LOVE MY FAMILY SO SO SO MUCH, but I'm sure most people do.
26. I know it's disgusting, but I absolutely love Beto's Breakfast Burritos. =]
27. My family eats all organic and natural, yummy food. I love it.
28. I don't eat red meat or pork.
29. I used to be the shyest girl in the world.
30. I work in a PC lab, and don't know shit about em.
31. I want to learn Spanish, Portuguese, Arabic, French, and Korean.
32. I think Gaza needs to be left alone. Innocent people don't deserve this.
33. I once met Mitt Romney, and had no idea it was him until I saw his signature on a credit card receipt. Nice guy, actually.
34. When I graduate from Utah State, I plan to spend 3 years in Central and South America, photographing my adventures.
35. I've had 3 surgeries. One every 3 years, seems like.
36. I went to the eye doctor today. Apparently I have astigmatism and I'm far sighted--so now I officially wear glasses.
37. I have this passion for nude photography. I think it's one of the most beautiful art forms.
38. Speaking of nude photography, I'm always looking for nude models... let me know if you're willing.
39. Being naked is a beautiful thing. Feels good to be free :)
40. Sushi is amazing. I LOVE MAKI SUSHI!! keke
41. This summer I'm studying abroad in Korea and China. And then I'm spending 10 days with my dear friend Jun and his family! Can't wait to experience a traditional Korean lifestyle.
42. I don't know what I believe in. I was raised atheist. I'm not sure if I believe in destiny, nor miracles.
43. I got my wisdom teeth out on Monday. I'm pretty sure I have dry socket.
44. I watched like 12 straight hours of the travel channel today. BEACHES BABY!
45. I have a bad habit of spending my money. If I have it, and I see something cute, or I'm starving, or my friends need something, or there is just something that my money needs to be used for, I will spend it. One day I will learn to save..... or just marry rich ;)
46. I have the hardest time finding myself attracted to American men.
47. I love dark hair. Sexy.
48. Zadik Zadikian is a really cool Armenian artist/sculpture. Check out his stuff.
49. Amber Simmons is such a great person. She is so wise and smart. She accepts people for who they are and is always trying to set a good example. I love her <3
50. I feel asleep in the darkroom a couple weeks ago-- bad idea-- woke up with a really really really bad headache... ohhhh chemicals.
51. I'm probably one of the worst students ever. I have the worst attendance. I've been to my creative arts class maybe 3 times. But I do really well on the tests. My art classes are a different story, I love going to those!!
52. I really need to improve my attendance if I plan on going to grad school.
53. I want to open a bar/restaurant on a tropical island. And Amber and Max (my bro) can be my tops chefs! Cuz they are amazing chefs!
54. I love Urban Outfitters.
55. My family just got a kitty. He's such a cutie and a lil' terrorizer!!
56. Talking in my sleep is very common for me. I will say the weirdest stuff.... One time I tried to put quarters in a heat-pad machine....
57. I hope one day I will be able to give back to my family everything they have done for me. They've supported me with all of my endeavors and I can't thank them enough. I just want them to know that I will always always always love them no matter what.
58. It's so hard to come up with 100 things.
59. When I was younger, I had an armoire fall on top of me. I was trapped inside and screaming bloody murder! luckily my mommy saved me.
60. I think it's ridiculous that my work blocked facebook.... now what am I supposed to do when I'm working? WORK? lol. Goes to show how much of my life evolves around facebook.
61. Eel tastes disgusting.
62. I have too many goals for my life... I hope I can achieve them.
63. I've learned a lot about life this past semester at college.
64. I learned that life isn't always gonna be perfect. and changing my outlook on situations helps immensely.
65. I miss the good old days of high school. Sad but true.
66. I miss Bianca and hope everything is going well for her.
67. I miss both my grandmothers. They were amazing women.
68. I wish I could see my grandfather and my family in Pennsylvania more often.
69. I wish I could manage my time better, take more photographs, and be the best I can be.
70. I wish I could be a better photographer, put together an amazing portfolio and get accepted into SCAD.
71. A part of me wants to transfer to NYU for my undergrad studies. I know I can accepted... it just costs $52,000 a year... eeks.
72. Is my undergrad education really worth that? Or should I hold out for my grad?
73. Yeah, I'm on lortab right now.
74. Slumdog Millionaire is a damn good movie.
75. This is what I do late at night--write blogs.
76. It's addicting.
77. David After the Dentist is probably one of the funniest youtube videos ever.
78. It hurts to smile... but I can't help it :(
79. My best friend is my Hugh Jass. lol.
80. Call me Maki. I like it better than Makaela.
81. I really want 2 daughters: Alexadria and Victoria.
82. Rafting is fun!
83. I used to hate camping, but now I love it! Especially with friends.
84. Edamame is so so so yummy :)
85. I've been reading the same book since last July. It's really good, I just don't have time to finish it :(
86. I used to throw up my food on purpose on elementary school so I could go home sick.
87. If I had the money, I would get a boob job. lol. I've been told my boobs are good, but for some strange reason, I just have this desire to have those perfectly round perky boobs you see on Victoria's Secret models.
88. Speaking of Victoria's Secret models, I wanted to be one when I was in 5th grade.
89. Cinnamon Bears covered in Chocolate are so delicious :)
90. I'm hungry.
91. When I was little, I loved the 101 Dalmations. I still Lucky and Rolley stuffed animals.
92. I want to live in Phuket, Thailand.
93. I would also like to work for the travel channel. Maybe have my own tv show.
94. My jaw is throbbing. good thing we only have to get our wisdom teeth out once.
95. I forgive you.
96. Airplanes are so fun! I love taking off and landing... and I LOVE LOVE LOVE turbulence.
97. One time I rode a camel.
98. I've been served alcohol in restaurants without being IDed.... in Utah.
99. I'm really ticklish and I'm dangerous when tickled... I've made my mom bleed.
100. Number 100 is officially the lamest fact about me... kekekekekekeeee

Flat Tire

2008-11-16T21:34:00.002-07:00

Yeah, totally got my first flat tire this morning. Woke up, started driving with Emily and Tony to get some breakfast. I realized my car was pulling heavily to the left and decided to pull over at the gas station. Sure enough, my back left tire was way to low.

Yeah, I'm a girl, and unfortunately, I'm not one that knows much about cars... I can tell ya about engines, and I know when I need an oil change (only cuz my car tells me so), but I cannot change a tire--eeks.

So my car is currently sitting in my friends driveway all jacked up. hehe

2008-11-14T19:08:00.002-07:00

Ya know, this might turn out to be a rant, but I hope to God it does not follow that direction :)

It seems like this entire blog is just a big rant.

but I just wanna let everybody know, s'all good.

Living ain't easy, but I've still got it easy.

I appreciate everything, and I seriously couldn't ask for more...

(just a different place to live... like a forest, or a bush)

a beach would be nice too.

yeah, but if I could ask for anything,

I'd ask for just pure love, and friendship.

Elliott takes the words right out of my mouth

2008-11-13T12:32:00.001-07:00

Haven't laughed this hard in a long time
I better stop now before I start crying
Go off to sleep in the sunshine
I don't want to see the day when it's dying
He's a sight to see
He's good to me
But I'm already somebody's baby
He's a pretty thing
And he knows everything
But I'm already somebody's baby
You don't deserve to be lonely
But those drugs you've got won't make you feel better
Pretty soon you'll find it's the only
Little part of your life you're keeping together
I'm nice to you
I could make it through
But you're already somebody's baby
I could make you smile
If you stayed a while
But how long will you stay with me, baby?
Because your candle burns too bright
Well I almost forgot it was twilight
Even if I think that you are right
Well I'm tired of being down, I got no fight
You're wonderful
And it's beautiful
But I'm already somebody's baby
And if I went with you
I'd disappoint you too
Well I'm already somebody's baby
Already somebody's baby

2008-11-06T19:59:00.001-07:00

wasting away
watching tv
taking my soul
what the hell am i doing?

Ramblin' On and on and on and on... and on...

2008-10-23T01:16:00.003-06:00

This weekend I spent a lot of time thinking about life. How things change. How people hardly know the real me, even my close friends. How the government is messed up. How spoiled rotten people in the United States are. And how much I absolutely love my family.

A lot of the time I feel like I'm holding in my self from others. I know I'm personable and friendly. Sometimes I'm a little shy, but sometimes I'm extremely outgoing. I know I tend to hold my feelings in and just deal with all the flack people seem to give me. I've got one deep soul, and million dreams I'd love to accomplish. Thousands of places I'd like to see and a trillion people I'd love to make happy.

Sometimes I get on this thing just wanting to type something, let people know what's going on in my head. But then I just bottle up the feelings again and keep them to myself. It's one pretty big problem. I just need to let them out.

I wish people knew me. I wish I had people I could share everything with. I miss the good old days when my friends and I were extremely tight, but who knows where they went. It seems like school is taking over our lives and keeping us from being who we truly are. I know for certain that studying is keeping us apart, and somewhat keeping me back from the things I'd love to do right now. If I could, I'd fly to India, live there for a couple months, connect with myself for a while, meet new people, and experience something new. I've been thinking a lot about what I'd love to do when I'm done here at Utah State. I know I'm gonna take a few years off before I hit up a grad school. I know this might sound unoriginal because I've heard a lot of people talk about doing this, but I'd totally hitting up the Peace Corps. I want to help, it's all I want to do. People all over the world could use my help. I feel so guilty spending time here in America trying to better myself and educate myself so I can live a better life when my life is already a million times more advanced than the lives of many people around the world. I want to dedicate myself to them 100%. They deserve it. I want to offer them all I can.

I seriously can't live with the fact that I have a nice apartment, with a carpeted floor covered in clothing I cannot wear. For my sociology class, I'm doing a service project, but it's also for the people of Indonesia. I'm collecting school supplies for the children, clothing for everybody, and any cash donations. If you would chip in that would be amazing! I know a lady who travels to Indonesia about 3 times a year for a month of so, and offered to personally take them to the people. A couple summers ago, I traveled to Bali expecting a nice vacation in paradise--don't get me wrong, it totally was-- but I also noticed the quality of life and the lack of necessities the people had. They had hardly any clothing or food. Most lived in shacks and burned their garbage in the street. Many did not have shoes and slept on the ground. But, the most remarkable thing I could not overcome was how incredibly happy they all were. They loved life and saw the beauty in everything. They are the most humble people I've ever known. When I was there, I took over a bunch of old clothing. It was amazing to see how excited everybody was to be getting one of my old shirts, even it it was the wrong size and completely out of fashion. It feels so good to know that I made a difference in some peoples' lives.

The Extent of Poverty

2008-10-22T18:22:00.002-06:00

"Poverty in poor countries is more widespread than it is in rich nations such as the United States. The U.S. government officially classifies almost 13 percent of the population as poor. In low-income countries, however, most people live no better than the poor in the United States, and many are far worse 0ff. Death rates are the highest among the children in Africa, indicating that absolute poverty is the greatest there, where half the population is malnourished. In the world as a whole, at any given time, 15 percent of people--about 1 billion--suffer from chronic hunger, which leaves them less able to work and puts them at high risk of disease.
The typical adult in a rich nation such as the United States consumes about 3,500 calories a day, which is actually too much and leads to obesity and related health problems. The typical adult in a low-income country not only does more physical labor but consumes just 2,000 calories a day. the result is undernourishment: too little food or not enough of the right kinds of food.
In the ten minutes it takes you to read through this, about 300 people in the world who are sick and weakened from hunger will die. This amounts to about 40,000 people a day, or 15 million people each year. Clearly, easing world hunger is one of the most serious challenges facing humanity today." (Society: The Basics by John Macionis)

I read this the other day in my sociology 1010 textbook. How does it make you feel? It made my friend Arevik burst out in tears and her body shake. How about this next part?

"Death comes early in poor societies, where families lack adequate food, safe drinking water, secure housing, and access to medical care. Organizations fighting child poverty estimate that at least 100 million city children in poor countries beg, steal, sell sex, or work for drug gangs to provide income for their families. Such a life almost always means dropping out of school and puts children at high risk of disease and violence. Many girls, with little or no access to medical assistance, become pregnant, a case of children who cannot support themselves having children of their own.
Analysts estimate that another 100 million of the world's children leave their families altogether, sleeping and living on the streets as best they can or perhaps trying to migrate to the United States. Roughly half of all street children are found in Latin American cities sich as Mexico City and Rio de Janeiro, where half of all children grow up in poverty. Many people in the United States know these cities as exotic destinations, but they are also home to thousands of children living in makeshift huts, under bridges, or in alleyways (United Nations Development Programme, 2000; Collymore, 2002)."

I wish...

2008-10-20T16:07:00.002-06:00

Everybody could just get along. Despite all their differences, I truly believe that people should accept other people for who they are. You can't dislike a person for a quality you do not have, whether that quality is good or bad. They are still a person and you should not label them deviant or whatever without getting to know who that person truly is. So, please, think next time you decided to automatically hate somebody, they could end up being your best friend and the one who cares the most for you.

My Hero.

2008-10-08T20:20:00.003-06:00

Arevik Vardanyan. She is one hella amazing gal. Get to know her. :)

what's on maki's mind today

2008-10-01T11:24:00.004-06:00

Repetition and Conformity among peers. Drives me crazy. I cannot tell anybody apart. They dress the same, the act the same. What makes them unique? Nothing. They just conform to the standards set by their religion, which they occasionally break, and create hypocrites of themselves. Maybe they should take a chance, drink some coffee, not wear makeup or do their hair. Maybe they should swear, pierce their eyebrows, and become walking artwork. Oh, and show some cleavage for once ;) it'll do ya some good.
NO! Because then we wouldn't be unique.
Pure opposites, no?

The Best Damn Blog You Will EVER Read!

2008-09-24T19:16:00.000-06:00

SO READ IT!

http://feelisnotdead.wordpress.com/

19 and Tied Down. (not with kids of course)

2008-09-21T14:36:00.002-06:00

It's strange to think about all the things we've been through in our lives. I was sitting at my desk just now, and a song came on my iTunes. Of course it reminded me of that significant other that I dated last year. Brought me back to this concert we went to, but we were broken up at the time. He begged me to go with him to see this band that he was absolutely crazy about. He started dancing, enjoying the music. And then he started crying when a man proposed on stage in front of everybody. The drive back to Logan was strange after that. Not one word.
That was the last time I ever hung out with him.
He was going to propose.
It's strange to think that at 19 years old, I would've been married.
I would've been married right now.
Weird.

Day 1--The Big Apple

2008-08-16T21:36:00.002-06:00

Thursday-- I set out with my mom. We arrive at the SLC airport 3 hours before take-off. Sitting and not waiting very patiently to board, the Olympics seemed to be the only thing that could catch our attention. Looking out at the other people in the airport, I notice a familiar face... He sits down next to us, only to discover that we are on the same red-eye flight to JFK. Interesting.
Soon enough our flight boards, and 20 minutes later I found myself playing some trivia game with 5 other players on the plane, and my mother nagging me to go to sleep because tomorrow's gonna be a looong day. I couldn't really sleep though, I found myself in the stage where I was dreaming, but not fully asleep, and I woke up every time the fasten seat belt sign would light up. Four hours later, we landed in New York City. My mother and I got our luggage, got some coffee, and picked up a shuttle to our hotel.
I told the driver thanks as he loaded my bag into the back of his van, but he grabbed it harshly and didn't even crack a smile. Trying to drink our coffee and eat our muffins, the driver made it quite impossible. I think I have every right to say that he was the worst driver in the world. He drove so fast and honked at every single car and person in his way, even way they had the right away. He took turns very fast and slammed on his brakes a lot. We were jammed in the van with eight other people; two very petite Argentinian women, an Asian man, and another white family who was actually on the same flight as us. One of the Argentinian girls kept complaining about how cold she was, but the driver absolutely refused to turn down the AC, and at one point, he threatened to kick the women out of the van on the side of the highway.
Two long hours later, we arrived at our hotel: The New York Palace, and yes, it is as nice as the name makes it sound! Unfortunately, our room wasn't ready yet, so my mom and I set out towards 5th Ave. to waste some time. We walked 5th down to Central Park, where we hopped on a double-decker tour bus. After making our way to the top level, we finally got a chance to relax and enjoy a nice peaceful ride. I know the double-decker bus sounds very touristy, but it was very enjoyable. The tour guide was friendly and absolutely hilarious! He told us very useful information about the city, and then again, a lot of useless information. We drove down Broadway, saw the place where John Lennon was shot, and took a tour of Harlem. After the tour, my mother and I came back to our very nice hotel room, took a nap, a shower, and then hit the town again.
Luckily, our hotel is in a very ideal part of town. We're one block away from Rockefeller Center, and just two blocks from 5th Ave. Walking down 5th Ave, we took a random turn, ended up by the library, and soon we were on Times Square. We went in the MTV store, picked up a little something something for my little brother, and when we walked out the weather had taken a turn for the bad, leaving everybody in Times Squares absolutely panicked and most without umbrellas. Of course my mother and I were panicked. We walked in a few different stores before getting the smart idea of actually buying an umbrella. We went back in the MTV store, picked up an umbrella, and decided to find a restaurant because we were absolutely starving!! We walked about five blocks in the pouring rain before we stopped at a cute little French restaurant called "Maison." The food was absolutely wonderful!

Blah-- I'm tired of writing, I'll pick up where I left off later.... Some old guy just invited me to the bar--- sick... He asked me where my boyfriend was.. I said "Korea...", he smiled and said "come to the bar... ", I replied with, "We'll see!"
But I'm off to my room... and I'm not even old enough to go to the bar... lol

Peace

2008-08-08T05:12:00.000-06:00

2008-08-08T05:04:00.001-06:00

I used to have this bracelet that a Balinese woman gave me. I never took it off, and one day, it was just gone. Disappeared. It meant a lot to me--reminded me of the simple life in Indonesia. Everyone was dirt poor and didn't have anything, but they were the happiest people I'd ever seen in my life. That's the life I wanna live.

Late Night. Can't Sleep.

2008-08-07T22:09:00.002-06:00

Sometimes I wish I could mend every single problem with a flick of a switch... just zap away all my worries, my troubles, my bad thoughts, wrong-doings, and live one amazing carefree lifestyle. One where I wouldn't have to worry about how much money is in my bank account, or who's judging or grading me, or how anybody could just die at any moment.

Tonight I found myself lying in bed, playing games on my phone, trying to get comfortable and fall asleep, but my mind wasn't allowing such a thing. Things such as my bank account, school, friends, travel, this society, love, and fear fluttered my mind. Funny how my intentions in life can change in a couple months. I've gone from wanting to fit in in this society--go to school, get amazing grades, get my PHd, and start a family. I find it somewhat ridiculous that if you wanna be somebody in today's society you need to attend an ivy league school and be gorgeous. In some sense, I still do want that, but I know it won't make me happy.

---

I've always been told that the best way to learn something is to experience it first hand. I live through a lot of life changing events in my life. They've shaped me into the person I am now. I just wanna get out of this place, move on to a different part of the world. I wanna start my career, my passions: photography and travel. I'm tired of sitting in a classroom learning about God knows what. I want to experience first hand, that's how I want to learn. I'm tired of being told and listening to lectures about subjects that my professors haven't even experienced first hand... they're just passing on the information that people have told them--brainwashed them to believe.

For me, my passions makes me happy.

Thoughts on Smoking.

2008-07-21T16:56:00.002-06:00

Smoking: A simple way to simultaneously ruin your health, eliminate your sex appeal, empty your wallet and support huge corporations that don't give a damn about well-being.

Some find this true. Others really just don't care. Here's my opinion.

1. Smoking will ruin your health, and eventually take your life. Smoking took the life of my grandmother. I called her Grand-Nan. loved her to death. I believe she started smoking when she was in her teens, and she died when she was in her 60s. It was hard to see her suffer from the many side effects. Even though she was only in her 60s, she looked to be about 94.

2. Smoking apparently eliminates your sex appeal. I find this false, but that's purely my opinion. Many find this very true, and smoking will turn them off immediately. Call me crazy but smoking is so damn sexy. But if your skin is turning yellow, that's just disgusting.

3. Smoking will empty your wallet. Yeah, how much are smokes? like $4 something a pack... sometimes cheaper, sometimes more. anywhooo... eventually your money will be gone if you're spending $4 a day... that's approximately 28 bucks a week! Sheesh... imagine what you could be spending your cashish.

4. Yeah, those big corporations just don't give a damn. They're making money, and that's all that matters tho them.

5. Smoking Hookah is fun. Amen.

6. Smoking Ganja... uh... some people need to lay off.... makes them crazy.

haha.

-M

thoughts on men.

2008-07-21T03:33:00.003-06:00

What is it these days with people trying to hook people up?

I just go to a friends house, wanting to hang out... just hang out...

and the next thing i know,
my friend is telling me how cute this guy is

and that i should be very interested

because most girls immediately like him...

weird.

i kinda just wish that i could be left alone..
im not sure what i'm looking for at the moment

well i know for sure who i do like

and what i want in my man

i just know

:)

and i will find him

but this single life is somewhat fun
for now.
we'll see, we'll see, we'll see.

here, i'll simply post what i'm attracted to and what i'm looking for in my man:
(no particular order--just as they pop into my head)
1. dark hair, dark skin
2. facial hair
3. some tattoos
4. goal orientated... definitely has to be going somewhere in this life.
5. loves loves LOVES to travel.
6. couple inches taller than me
7. hates drugs, but loves alcohol
8. smoking turns me on. (don't ask)
9. well educated, and artistic
10. loves good music. no techno crap please.
11. respectful, caring, kind
12. exotic, foreign
13. likes coffee, and good food!
14. non-religious
15. good morals.
16. wants children, someday.
17. somewhat of a mac nerd, but doesn't obsess over it.
18. can cook
19. athletic, but not a cocky jocky.
20. not overly outgoing, but definitely not shy.
21. likes the beatles, dave matthews, the shins
22. treat me like a princess.
23. doesn't want to work in an office, and wake up for the morning commute every morning for the rest of his life.
24. has hobbies
25. will not follow me everywhere, and give me space
26. will listen when i need him too
27. just accept me for who i am and not try to change me
28. dark eyes
29. loves live music, and just chillin
30. isn't really into the clubbing scene, but loves to dance

Beginning to a Poem--Left Unfinished.

2008-07-15T14:46:00.004-06:00

Fiery July afternoon,
Verde blades of grass gleam sharp in the sun,
The cement appears as liquid,
And brainwashed, Christian niños chant in the background.

The muchacha hermosa moseys outside,
takes of deep breathe of fresh air,
hops on her Nevada Fuji,
and heads towards her painting studio.

Past the brainwashed niños,
down the blackened pavement,
turns a sharp esquina,
she comes to a complete halt and parks her Fuji.

Dear Elliott Smith:

2008-07-14T18:17:00.001-06:00

Him

2008-07-14T13:17:00.002-06:00

He enters my room and the eyes on my dolls shut, stuffed animals bear witness with glazed eyes.
That can't shed tears.
With his every footstep I watch the footprint permantely imprinted in the tuffs of my carpet.
He stains it gray.
Somewhere in the background, I hear running water and wish it would wash over me,
Like thousands of hands calming me, streaming over me with my mother's angelic smile.
But instead of her laughing, joyous face, I can see only his leering grin towering over me,
Like trying to coax a fox into a trap.
But I have tricked him, my _______,
And I leave, dissipate into the air.
He finally leaves after eternity has ended but I remain paralyzed on the floor.
My stuffed animals' eyes are frozen open in shock....

-M

5 randoms.

2008-07-12T14:33:00.003-06:00

1) Everybody should look into this whole situation in Darfur. It's just fucked up, but thank God SOMEBODY finally suspected the lame-ass president, and he has been arrested for all the genocide. :)

finally a step in the right direction.
2) Listen to the song "Blame it on the Tetons" by Modest Mouse... It's even posted on this blog in my playlist.

Blame it on the Tetons. Yeah, I need a scapegoat now.
No my dog won't bite you, though it had the right to.
You oughta give her credit cuz she knows I would've let it happen.

Blame it on the weekends. God I need a cola now.
Oh we mumble loudly, wear our shame so proudly.
Wore our blank expressions, trying to look interesting.
Blame it all on me cuz God I need a cold one now.

All them eager actors gladly taking credit
for the lines created by the people tucked away from sight
is just a window from the room we're bound to.
If you find a way out, oh would you just let me know how?
Would you just let me know how?

Blame it on the web but the spider's your problem now.
Language is for liquid that we're all dissolved in.
Great for solving problems, after it creates a problem.
Blame it on the Tetons. God, I need a scapegoat now.

Everyone's a building burning
with no one to put the fire out.
Standing at the window looking out,
waiting for time to burn us down.
Everyone's an ocean drowning
with no one really to show how.
They might get a little better air
if they turned themselves into a cloud.

3) George Harrison was gorgeous. Thankfully, he has a son, mmmm :)

4) There are so many places in this world that have not yet been seen, visited, or discovered. Why do we choose to live our lives in one place? Just one city? Just one Country? Think about where you could be right now, what you could be doing. Why are you where you are? Why am I here?

5) The Rainbow Gathering. Amen. Mak Daddy, Arevik, and I were all hippies for a good 14 hours (we couldn't survive any longer). Damn Hippies. I wish I could live that carefree lifestyle and totally disengage myself from the media-ruled, office-working society.
PEACE!

become international?

2008-07-10T20:40:00.000-06:00

Going to school is a dominantly Mormon town definitely has its downs. But, during the summer, it is hella fun... All the Mormons go home. This summer I found myself living in the dorms on campus and taking a few classes. The day I moved into my dorm, culture shock had definitely set in. I seemed as if I was the only white American girl in the building. Everyone across the hall was Asian, there were some Persians down the hall and a lot of Dominicans living upstairs. Feeling much like the minority (for once) I locked myself in my room for the first month of the summer. It wasn't until about 5 weeks ago I decided to get to know the people I live with. I'm not gonna lie, I love not having white Americans around me. Everybody here for the summer is so rich in culture and accepting of everybody. I constantly find myself learning new things about the world, about life, and about myself daily. My best friend, Arevik, is from Armenia. She is so bad ass. I've also got some great guy friends, Moji, Reza, and Mak Daddy, who are Persian. And one of the most hilarious people I know, Jun Hee Han, is from Korea. I have no idea how I ever lived without this kid in my life! These people have made my summer hella tight and the party never ever ends in da summa time. I love how everybody is accepting in the summer time.

dear mom

2008-05-30T01:46:00.000-06:00

I give up on this perfect life.

Ah, Finals Week....

2008-04-25T02:31:00.000-06:00

At least I've got music. I believe that music can get you through any kind of hell possible. Fuck finals week man, I've had enough of working on stupid projects and studying for tests worth more than half of my grade. As my friend Jordan said earlier, "My mind is orgasming as all over the place," from studying so much.

While most students find their selves studying their asses away for tests in their general classes, luckily I find myself slaving away in the darkroom, trying to make one bad ass project to call my own masterpiece. God, do I love creating whatever i want. :)

So, I was in the darkroom today developing my film, and a song came on my iPod that I hadn't heard before. It was all techno-y and sounded really awesome. I was just bopping around in my little room enjoying the beat when I started listening to the lyrics.... and this is what I heard:

"Greasy Filthy Hand Jobs In Truckstop Restrooms
Hot Carling, All Over The Place,
Hot Carling,
I Turned That Into A Verb, I Hope You Apreciate It
Carling, Hot Carling Academy, Its A School Where You Go To Learn How To Buttfuck
They Don't Have Blowjobs There Because They Are Uncircumsized
And That Is Just Disgusting So They Have To Buttfuck
Which Is Also Disgusting Because That Extra Forskin Traps All The Germs
And The Poop, And The Buttfucking Residue Within
And That Is Why British People Have Bad Teeth, Amen."

Interested in who the band really was, I looked down at my iPod, and to my surprise I found it was Deftones... Wow, must I say that is one interesting song.

So, basically without music, I wouldn't be entertained. I'd probably die from the insanity of being blinded by a pitch black room. Thank God for Deftones and songs about buttfucking, they really keep me alive.

Roommates and Boyfriends

2008-04-16T19:33:00.000-06:00

So, here I am, sitting at my desk, staring about my lovely view of Old Main, thinking about how much my parents are paying for this room. Sometimes I wonder if it's really worth the price. I live in the newest dorms on campus, which are conveniently located right by all my classes. Sometimes I think these dorms are a little too nice. I like them, but I've already torn the paint off the walls, and I've burnt a nice big hole in my chair. Is there a reason why I find myself sitting all alone thinking about this room? Maybe. Or is the real question "why am I alone?" yeah, I'd say that could be it. Lets see here... I've got six roommates. I love with six of the Mormon girls in a five bedroom apartment. I share my room with a girl named Amber. Amber is a very pretty blond girl. She is extroverted yet introverted, and she loves to cook. All year Amber has been struggling with many relationships trying to find that perfect someone. As of last week, Amber has seems to have found Mr. Right. His name is Matt. It's kinda funny how they just fit perfectly together. They even walk the same.

Sometimes when they are together, I feel quite left out. I know how it feels to be in love, and I'm somewhat jealous... haha. If you read my first blog, you might have noticed that I mentioned I was in a relationship with a guy named James. Damn, he was wonderful. I went over to his house today to talk to him for the first time in a week. It was weird. At first we couldn't help but smile at each other, like we hadn't seen each other in a very long time. Then he sat me down on the couch and told me how he feels. He wishes we could get back together and he can start over again, take things slow, and do everything right. I just sat in silence. I kept thinking "I don't want to be with you anymore, why can't you just move on?"

When I finally left, things started to get teary. I mentioned something about starting a Facebook group for all the guys that like me ( I have stalkers...) and he kinda got upset, but I seriously think he needs to move on. He told me of his plans to move to California next fall and attend UCLA for acting. I'm proud of him.

With all my heart, I wish things could've worked out between us. We each had different goals and dreams. Sometimes is just best to let go so that person can achieve their dreams. We didn't want to hold each other down any longer. If you've ever heard the song "Hold Me Down" by Motion City Soundtrack, you'll understand exactly what we're going through, but if not, you should definitely go listen to it.

So next time you think about dating somebody, think of what is best for them, put them first in your life and make sure their dreams are coming true.

peace.

The World of Blogging Meets the World of Makaela - April 16th, 2008

2008-04-16T19:24:00.001-06:00

Just last week I had an experience with a very handsome fella. He explained to me how he blogs everything, I mean everything. He even said that he blogged about me, which made me feel a little odd. Then he mentioned that when he wikipediaed my name, lots of stuff popped up, like: The Most Beautiful Girl Ever. After he said this, my mind was just like "WTF!" You're so crazy.

Sadly, I was inspired by this guy and I decided to start blogging. Now all I have to do is decide what I want to write about. I can write about anything in the entire world, anything, everything. But, I'm choosing to write about last week, or maybe even the last month.

At the beginning of the semester, I got really really sick. I went to a few doctors and nobody knew what was going on with me. One told me I'm just overly stressed (dumb ass woman) and others said nothing was wrong. But I seriously did not feel good. I even had one doctor think I was pregnant... Good thing I wasn't. Finally, at the end of February, I went to the local ENT, where I was immediately diagnosed with Mono. I mean how hard was it for those stupid doctors to just diagnose me with that.

My mono lasted until the end of March, therefore causing me to drop most of my classes, and lose my scholarship. My teachers wouldn't work with me so I could get caught up, and they pretty much told me that I am just a failure.

Of course I was more pissed than anybody in the entire world. So I kinda gave me hopes up and made all these plans to drop out of school, move to California or Salt Lake. I just decided school wasn't for me. (Bad Decision)

I told my parents of my decision and they supported me 100%, but only because I'm their daughter. I could tell they weren't thrilled about me choice and they didn't want me living at home for the rest of my life.

At this same time, I was dating a guy named James Wadsworth. He seriously had me from hello. He was the most gorgeous thing I had ever laid my eyes on. Long brown eye, dark brown eyes, in shape, and he had goals. He wanted to be an actor.

Things started getting very serious between us, we were even thinking about marriage and children (in the future, of course). After being completely wooed by him for about 3 months, I noticed that his personality started to change, and he lost sight of his goals. Our relationship started getting a lot worse and wed fight all the time. It seemed like we fought in every conversation we had. If you know me, you would know that there is no way in hell I would put up with this shit.

So, I tried breaking it off a few times. The first time, he cried and whined for hours. He even called his mother while I was trying to break up with him. I couldn't help but laugh... who the hell calls their mom during a breakup?

Last Thursday, our relationship was called off for good. James informed me that I had ruined his life and totally broke his heart forever. A couple days later, he ended up going to California, not knowing what his plans were; he just went to try to mend his life back together. I will say this now; this is one of the best decisions this boy had ever made.

That night, after James and I broke up, I went to hang out with some friends. I didn't know what the night would bring, but I wanted to have fun. I ended up at Mr. Blogger's (man from above) house, where he confessed his love for me. He said stuff like, "You are so sexy when you present your photography in the front of the class, and you just get me going!" And then, he laid one right of me….

After this experience, I found myself asking, "What am I doing? Why I am hanging out with his guy?" After all, I just broke up with my boyfriend, and I wasn't looking for anything of this sort. To make matters worse, I'm madly in love with some other guy, who has no idea.

Boredom started creeping into my life and I started to think about what I seriously wanted to do. I mean man-wise, I still wanted the guy I had a huge crush on, but life-wise, I needed a plan, a goal, something to achieve.

So, this is when I wrote my master plan for the next 8 years of my life. Here it goes: I'm nearly a junior up here at Utah State, and I've only got 2 and a half years left. I'm majoring in Art and minoring in Art History. Next summer, I plan to do study abroad in Scotland, and the summer after that I'm planning on study abroad in France. Hopefully, when I'm done here at Utah State, I will have my Bachelor's of Fine Art, with an emphasis on photography.

After I finish up here, I want to attend CalArts. I want to receive my Master's in Commercial Photography.

Now, here's the big change in my goals… I know it might be far fetched, but I'm hella excited and I'm gonna do it! I am going to attend Yale. I want to get my PhD in Art History and Archaeology.

After being told that I'm a failure by my professors, I think I deserve to dream big and show them they were wrong.

As far as love goes, I'm always open for a relationship. I just want to find a man who is absolutely perfect. I want a man of my style, artsy and creative, smart and handsome. And, he has to support me in anything I do, even my big goal of Yale.

Thanks for reading, I'm out. Peace.